glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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