My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
