Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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