I faked an abortion last night.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
