he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
