I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
