In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
