just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize