Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
