I heard we made out
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
