i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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