everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
