I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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