The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
