So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
