Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
