Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
