Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
