I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
