there's paper in my vomit.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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