Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
