i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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