I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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