are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
