I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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