i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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