well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
