She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
