Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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