Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
