You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
