is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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