At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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