On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
