...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
