There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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