Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
