my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
