well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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