You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
