How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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