There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
