Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
