i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
