I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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