Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
