She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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