Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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