I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
