i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize