hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize