Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
