Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hippo gnu deer
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
