Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
