mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize