how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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