Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize