If i come over, it means nothing
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
