But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
