I puked a lego.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
