i think my tv is drunk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
