Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
