Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize