party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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