HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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