you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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